Saturday, December 02, 2006
I feel like urrrgh. I hate confusing people when I don't mean to. I hate the fact that I rebel, that I lie, that I feel the urge to do something and I don't do it. I just want to be someone else for a little. Not that I don't like the state that I am in, it is just that I wish that I could know things without hurting people, and I dunno... I know that everything will work out. And this isn't even how I feel. Because I am fine. Niles thinks that I am like 'eww get away from me' but nothing seems right. There is no timing that fits to hold his hand or to hug him. And when you try so hard, it just doesn't seem to come. And I have no idea what my sudden urges to pull away or to touch someone or say a word is. It just comes and he doesn't get it I think. I have different ways of showing affection, and that is me. I am akward and unpredictable. Which I hate sometimes, but love at others. And I want to stop writing but I can't Niles blog almost made me cry, and I don't think that it was out of sadness, or anger, or happiness. I just wanted to. I haven't cryed in so long. No song makes me cry, but some make me want but I guess that I am just not sensitive enough, you have to cut deep into me to get me to cry. And those avatars and trophy are something that made me happy. It is so simple, something that I adore. Like a rose. And that is it. Would make me happy. And that is just the most weirdest thing.... but really I am like my mom. And I am making no sense.
--Kayla

Posted by Kayla @ 7:33 PM